| How do you express your anger? I once had a | | | | question is: what do we do with it so it won't get the |
| woman in one of my workshops who said, "I never | | | | best of us? |
| get angry." Can you imagine that? How can we | | | | Here are some tips: |
| go through life and never feel anger? Anger is a | | | | - Recognize the symptoms of anger. Learn what |
| part of the passion of living. There is nothing wrong | | | | happens to you when you feel anger. Once you |
| with anger. What is wrong is when we pass our | | | | recognize the symptoms, you will be more likely to |
| anger onto someone else. What is wrong is when | | | | control your anger. |
| we blame our angry feelings on ourselves or others. | | | | - Admit your anger. Say it. You can say, "I'm really |
| What is wrong is when we channel our anger in the | | | | angry," or "That makes me so mad." Once you |
| wrong place. So, what can we do when we feel | | | | actually vocalize your anger, you've released it. |
| that nasty heat rise inside us? You're minding your | | | | - Stay aware of your feelings. Don't ignore the |
| own business, not interfering with anyone and all of a | | | | boiling inside or the throbbing in your head. |
| sudden something happens, and your body tenses, | | | | - Don't blame others for your anger. Recognize that |
| the heat rises inside you, your heart throbs and out | | | | your anger belongs to you. Others do not make us |
| of your mouth comes. . . what? | | | | angry. Anger is a response to someone's behavior. |
| The two most common responses to anger are | | | | It's the behavior we abhor or causes us to feel |
| explosion or repression. | | | | anger, not the person. |
| Some people simply explode. All the anger erupts | | | | - Find a fun way to release your anger. Some of |
| from them like lava from a volcano. Those standing | | | | my clients have ugly dolls that they beat up. Just |
| in the way feel the burn and sometimes never | | | | knocking something on a desk as hard as you can will |
| recover from the outburst. People who explode like | | | | help you release your anger. |
| this usually find themselves in bad places. They can | | | | - Give your anger time to dissipate before you |
| lose their jobs. They can get in bad fights. They | | | | encounter others. Take a time-out. |
| suffer through a long and painful recovery because | | | | - Take some slow deep breaths. Close your eyes |
| they often bruise and destroy relationships. | | | | and imagine a place you love. Hold onto that |
| The second response to anger is repression. Some | | | | vision. Don't allow the source of the anger to creep |
| people take all those feelings and push them deep | | | | back into your mind. |
| inside themselves. Fearing an explosion, they prefer | | | | - Find a trustworthy person to whom you can vent. |
| to hide their feelings in a deep, dark corner. These | | | | - Write a poison-pen letter. But, do not send it. |
| people are equally dangerous to themselves and | | | | This was a common practice of Abraham Lincoln |
| others. There's just so much room inside us for our | | | | during the Civil War. He'd pen letters to his |
| anger. If we keep tucking that anger away, one | | | | incompetent generals. Later he'd destroy those |
| day we'll run out of room. On that day, we could | | | | letters. By writing the letters he not only vented, |
| respond by turning our anger on ourselves in a violent | | | | he began to see a more productive way to deal with |
| way or by turning our anger on someone else. I | | | | the behavior that was causing his anger. |
| once heard depression defined as "the anger within." | | | | - When you've calmed yourself and allowed your |
| Is there a third response to anger? In the | | | | anger to seep out of you in a manner where no one |
| workplace, we cannot explode each time we feel | | | | gets hurt, do something about what caused you to |
| anger. In the workplace, we cannot repress all our | | | | become so angry, particularly if the situation may |
| feelings. Churchill said, "Speak in anger and you will | | | | recur. Take action. |
| deliver the greatest speech you will ever live to | | | | - Detach yourself from the communication by using |
| REGRET!" Whether you're an explosive person or a | | | | the Say It Just Right Model. The model will enable |
| person who represses your anger, you can learn to | | | | you to maintain focus without being absorbed by |
| deal with anger in a more productive way. Before I | | | | your feelings. |
| give you some tips, let me suggest that the woman | | | | Remember, anger is a natural reaction to life. |
| in my class who said she never felt anger might be in | | | | Sometimes the smallest things trigger an angry |
| more danger than any of us who admit to our | | | | response. Don't let the anger get the best of you. |
| anger. Why? She's in denial. All of us, even the | | | | Allow yourself to get the best of the anger. |
| most even-tempered among us, feel anger. The | | | | |