| When your boss asks you to do something that you | | | | funds that could not be traced. My client was |
| feel is unethical, what do you do? If you spot two | | | | shocked. He felt betrayed. His office manager |
| co-workers having an intimate lunch, what do you | | | | gave him many reasons for her behavior, including |
| do? How do you handle telling a long-time employee | | | | that she had a child who needed care she |
| that his job has been eliminated? | | | | couldn’t afford. This person didn’t suddenly |
| One of the biggest headaches any manager faces is | | | | decide to steal money, she thought about it. She |
| dealing with “people” problems. As a trainer | | | | justified her behavior. My client listened to her side |
| and a coach, I hear people say over and over, | | | | of the story and showed empathy. By doing that, |
| “If I didn’t have to deal with the people, | | | | he worked out a mutually acceptable solution. She |
| I’d love my job.” Whether it is telling | | | | paid him back every cent, and he agreed not to |
| someone they must improve performance, or they | | | | report her behavior to the authorities. |
| cannot continue to meet privately with clients, sticky | | | | * Different people respond differently. In the |
| situations arise no matter where your work. | | | | book I talk a lot about the different personality |
| I recently published a book titled, Managing Sticky | | | | styles we all run into. We cannot expect everyone |
| Situations at Work: Communication Secrets for | | | | to react to situations the same way. That’s |
| Success in the Workplace. In it I introduced a way | | | | part of what makes management and leadership so |
| to handle all kinds of sticky situations. My purpose | | | | challenging. If you apply my version of the Golden |
| was to present a road map, something we could turn | | | | Rule: Do Unto Others as They Want Done Unto |
| to when these kinds of situations arise. So many of | | | | Them, and not the actual Golden Rule, which |
| us spend sleepless nights wondering what to say and | | | | suggests people want done unto them what you |
| how to say it—wondering if we should say it now | | | | want, you will have more success. Ask yourself |
| or wait until another time, or wondering what will | | | | what kind of person am I dealing with? What are |
| happen if we don’t say it. The Say It Just | | | | their needs and wants? |
| Right model of communication gives you the tools | | | | * Genuinely listen. The most valuable gift you can |
| you need to handle people problems professionally. | | | | give anyone is hearing what they have to say. That |
| In this article I will share five tips to manage sticky | | | | means even when you feel they have nothing to |
| situations at work. These tips will start you on the | | | | contribute, you must erase your judgment and |
| path to say it just right. | | | | listen. When you listen to the other person, you |
| * Don’t take matters personally. When people | | | | learn things you may have never known. People |
| problems arise, most of us think we did or said | | | | situations escalate when we make judgments |
| something that made them happen. We believe we | | | | without listening and understanding. Part of the way |
| are responsible for whatever is going on. It helps to | | | | we communicate is to make assumptions. We are |
| remember that sticky situations occur all the time and | | | | bombarded with so many stimuli, that we cannot |
| have nothing to do with you or your leadership. | | | | process everything. Some people say, never |
| What has to do with you is the way you respond to | | | | assume anything. That’s not possible. Your |
| those situations. Recognize that people need | | | | goal is to know when you’ve made |
| someone to blame when they misbehave. | | | | assumptions. Listen with your full attention and see |
| Didn’t we all do that as kids? Remember when | | | | what happens. |
| your parents caught you doing something you | | | | * Recognize you might be a contributing factor. |
| shouldn’t do? Didn’t you point your finger | | | | Taking responsibility for your actions leads to |
| at your brother or sister or best friend? It was | | | | resolving problems. As a trained mediator, I |
| never your fault. This is a natural defensive reaction. | | | | challenged each party in a dispute to talk about what |
| Do not take it personally. Listen and move forward. | | | | they would do to resolve the problem. What would |
| * Treat people as adults (even if they act like | | | | they do to change their behavior? Even if you feel |
| kids). Sometimes as managers, we forget that we | | | | blameless, there’s always something you can |
| are dealing with adults. Adults make adult-like | | | | contribute to the resolution. Once you take |
| decisions. By that I mean they do not act without | | | | responsibility for your role, the other person shows a |
| thinking. If someone decided to steal money from | | | | greater willingness to recognize theirs. |
| the till, they didn’t just suddenly do it. They | | | | * Don’t corner people. Many sticky situations |
| thought it out and acted knowing they may have to | | | | are embarrassing. People know they’ve done |
| face consequences. That’s what adults do. | | | | something they shouldn’t, and they don’t |
| We do understand right from wrong. | | | | want to be caught. Even though you must confront |
| If we treat the person like a child, we belittle them | | | | people with their behavior, don’t make them feel |
| and take away their dignity. Instead, we must give | | | | cornered. If they see no way out, no resolution, |
| them the benefit of the doubt and show a willingness | | | | they fight back and the interaction escalates. When |
| to listen to their side of the story, no matter what | | | | you show understanding and a willingness to listen, |
| they did. I had a client who was a psychiatrist. He | | | | you demonstrate that you believe there is a way |
| had a trusted office manager. After he retired, he | | | | out. Even in the worst case scenarios, don’t |
| learned that this trusted office manager had stolen | | | | corner or challenge people to fight you. |
| money from him. She skimmed off the uncollectable | | | | |