| Learning to communicate is not easy and even | | | | likes to be blamed for things. |
| people who have been married for decades will | | | | 2. Ask clarifying questions. If your husband or wife |
| sometimes need to enlist the help of a marriage | | | | says something that you do not understand, ask |
| therapist to help them learn how to better | | | | them to clarify their statements. Instead of saying |
| communicate with each other. There is no shame in | | | | "that doesn't make any sense at all!" try "I don't |
| hiring a counselor to help you. After all, | | | | understand what you mean by that. Could you give |
| communication is always the key to good | | | | me an example" or say "so are you saying thatÂ…" |
| relationships. | | | | and insert your interpretation of his or her words. |
| Many people have been taught that the best way to | | | | 3. Don't automatically assume that you understand |
| deal with a problem is to simply wait for the problem | | | | exactly what is going on inside your partner's brain. |
| to go away or to ignore it. Both men and women will | | | | Your marriage therapist will work with you to keep |
| admit that they sometimes deal with conflicts by | | | | you from telling the other person what they are |
| pushing down their emotions instead of confronting | | | | thinking or feeling "you always think that" or "you |
| them. | | | | always feel" are not good examples of good |
| While conflict might seem like something best | | | | communication. Instead ask "do you feel" or "do you |
| avoided, the truth is that conflict must be dealt with. | | | | think that" and allow your partner to answer the |
| If conflict is left unresolved, it will simply fester and | | | | question! |
| grow. The key to dealing with conflict, as any trained | | | | 4. Open ended questions are vital to good |
| counselor will tell you, is knowing how to properly | | | | communication. If you ask a question that can be |
| communicate with each other to work through a | | | | answered in a yes or a no, you give your spouse the |
| problem. Here are some hints: | | | | opportunity to shut down and shut you out. Asking |
| 1. Use "I" statements. Instead of telling your husband | | | | questions that need real answers will help you get |
| or wife all of the things that they are doing that | | | | the conversational ball rolling. |
| make you angry or upset, tell your husband or wife | | | | A marriage therapist will help you work on non |
| how you are feeling. For example, say "I feel taken | | | | confrontational communication that will help you |
| for granted when the cleaning is left for me," instead | | | | resolve conflicts faster and in ways that make both |
| of "you never throw away your trash!" The first way | | | | of you feel better about the problems that you have |
| tells your partner how you are feeling. The second | | | | been facing. |
| way blames your partner for your feelings. Nobody | | | | |