| The date today is January 2, 2007. Happy
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| | While you are at it try to figure out how
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| New Year. What was your New Year's
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| | to delete songs from the Apple iPod Nano.
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| Resolution? Did you resolve to put an end
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| | The iPod has no delete function.
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| to the war in Iraq as more American
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| | If you search the internet for the way to
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| warships steam towards the Persian Gulf?
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| | do this you will come upon forums in
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| Did you resolve to put an end to global
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| | which people are acting as though they
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| warming as the Arctic melts into the sea
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| | have been cast into eternal Hellfire
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| and the mother polar bears are unable to
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| | calling out to anyone "Help!" People are
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| feed their cubs?
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| | hysterical and have come up with numerous
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| There are some things you can control and
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| | conspiracy theories such as "Apple
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| there are other things which you cannot
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| | deliberately didn't put a delete button
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| control. You cannot control whether our
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| | on the iPod so that when you reach 2
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| sun will burn out today. You cannot
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| | Gigabytes you have to buy a new one." The
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| control the fact that one day you will
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| | other forum members are offering up so
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| die. Despite that we spend great amounts
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| | much bad advice that they sound like the
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| of time worrying that we or our relatives
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| | arm chair generals on Cable Pundit
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| are going to die. If it is a fact that we
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| | Television, driving everyone right over
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| are going to die then why do we spend so
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| | the edge. How many times is Vice
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| much time worrying that we or the polar
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| | President Cheney going to raise the
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| bears are going to die? Wouldn't it be
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| | terror alert to false alarm code orange
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| better to stop worrying that everyone is
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| | to prepare America to invade Iran?
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| going to die and just go on and forget it
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| | Today it was discovered that people
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| and enjoy our lives and our Apple iPod
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| | suffering from shell shock, or post
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| Nanos? Of course it would but
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| | traumatic stress disorder are more prone
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| unfortunately our minds are programmed to
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| | to having heart attacks. Apparently the
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| worry constantly. We're talking about
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| | fear triggered the adrenaline and the
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| polar bears eating each other because we
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| | adrenaline never shuts off and the
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| melted their habitat. The guilt is
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| | person's heart is damaged or something.
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| unbearable.
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| | Vicious nuclear armed Muslims are coming
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| The President of the United States has
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| | to get you. Global warming will soon
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| publicly declared a Christian Crusade
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| | cause the sea level to rise 50 feet so
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| against 1 billion Muslims, calling them
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| | that your city is permanently under
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| Islamofascists. Adolf Hitler was a
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| | water. Mosquitoes are giving people West
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| fascist. He declared war upon the Jews,
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| | Nile virus. Birds will give us a
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| homosexuals, retarded people, blacks and
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| | pandemic. Cows have mad cow disease. The
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| all non white blue eyed blonde people.
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| | deficit is throwing the country into
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| Hitler planned to annihilate every Jew in
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| | bankruptcy. The iPod anxiety is the
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| Europe and the Muslim world. Mohammad
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| | proverbial straw that broke the camel's
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| Amin al-Husseini, the Mufti of Jerusalem
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| | back. It is the last straw which will
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| was Hitler's ally. The Mufti was one of
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| | cause us to fight, flee or become frozen
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| the architects of the concentration
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| | stiff. Not to worry, here is the solution
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| camps, and he helped recruit Muslims for
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| | for deleting songs from your Apple iPod
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| the SS. Mohammad al-Husseini was the
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| | Nano. It's very simple.
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| Muslim leader of World Jihad who was the
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| | Open up your iTunes program on your
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| mentor of Yasser Arafat, Osama bin-Laden
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| | computer. Click on your library music.
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| and every other Muslim terrorist today.
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| | Start with the first song at the top. If
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| Hitler and the Mufti were united by their
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| | you want a song on your iPod then you
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| desire to delete the Jewish people from
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| | need to give it a five star rating. Only
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| the planet earth. Today the Muslim
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| | the 5 star rated songs will come into
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| fundamentalists are united in their
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| | your iPod and all others will be deleted.
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| desire to delete every non Muslim from
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| | Now click on the first song to highlight
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| earth because their Koran commands them
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| | it. You can double click it to see if you
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| to do this (Koran Sura 9:5, 29-30; Sura
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| | like it. Now on the top left click on
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| 56) for great eternal rewards.
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| | file. Then click on my rating. Slide over
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| How do evil people always seem to grab
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| | and give it 5 stars if you want it on and
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| political and military power? Herman
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| | 1 star if you don't.
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| Goering was a German politician and
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| | Now connect the iPod to your computer.
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| military leader, commander of the
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| | The iPod menu comes up automatically. The
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| Luftwaffe and Hitler's second in command.
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| | first tab to come up is Summary. Put a
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| He was captured in Austria and sentenced
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| | checkmark on "open iTunes when this iPod
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| to hang at the Nuremberg trials. The
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| | is connected." Click "apply" in the
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| night before the hanging he committed
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| | bottom right. Now on the top click
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| suicide by ingesting a cyanide capsule.
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| | "Music". Put a checkmark on "Synch
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| He asked to be killed with dignity by a
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| | Music". Put a checkmark on "selected
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| firing squad like a soldier but his
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| | playlists." Put a checkmark on "My top
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| request was denied. Rather than face the
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| | rated." Click on "apply" in the bottom
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| humiliation of hanging he took a cyanide
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| | right hand corner. Let the process update
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| capsule. Since then numerous people have
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| | your iPod until it says that it is safe
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| said that they gave him the pill, just
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| | to disconnect the iPod from the computer.
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| like John Mark Karr pretended to have
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| | To disconnect the cable from the iPod
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| killed Jon Benet Ramsey.
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| | press the two little buttons on the side
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| Mass manipulation of peaceful people into
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| | of the thingy. Now go post these
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| warmongers is a science. Hermann Goering
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| | instructions into one of the forums and
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| said, "Naturally the common people don't
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| | be a hero.
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| want war; neither in Russia, nor in
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| | As far as the Apocalypse and global
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| England, nor in America, nor in Germany.
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| | warming and politics and holy war are
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| That is understood. But after all, it is
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| | concerned forget about it, throw your
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| the leaders of the country who determine
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| | television out the window, eat well, get
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| policy, and it is always a simple matter
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| | lots of rest and get plenty of exercise
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| to drag the people along, whether it is a
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| | wearing your iPod with only your favorite
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| democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or
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| | songs. There is nothing that you can do
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| a parliament, or a communist
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| | about the other stuff so don't waste your
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| dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the
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| | life worrying about it. Wars have been
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| people can always be brought to the
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| | going on forever and they always will.
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| bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All
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| | It's our killer instinct which we needed
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| you have to do is to tell them they are
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| | to survive this long in the jungle and
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| being attacked, and denounce the
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| | the law of the jungle is "Kill or be
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| pacifists for lack of patriotism and
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| | killed." Who can delete our killer
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| exposing the country to danger. It works
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| | instinct? Who would want to? It's for
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| the same in any country." How do you
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| | self defense from venomous snakes in the
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| manipulate hawks into doves? If you
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| | jungle and hunting for food.
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| figure that out then you are the Messiah.
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