| The date today is January 2, 2007. Happy New | | | | While you are at it try to figure out how to |
| Year. What was your New Year's Resolution? | | | | delete songs from the Apple iPod Nano. The |
| Did you resolve to put an end to the war in | | | | iPod has no delete function. |
| Iraq as more American warships steam towards | | | | |
| the Persian Gulf? Did you resolve to put an | | | | If you search the internet for the way to do |
| end to global warming as the Arctic melts | | | | this you will come upon forums in which |
| into the sea and the mother polar bears are | | | | people are acting as though they have been |
| unable to feed their cubs? | | | | cast into eternal Hellfire calling out to |
| | | | anyone "Help!" People are hysterical and have |
| There are some things you can control and | | | | come up with numerous conspiracy theories |
| there are other things which you cannot | | | | such as "Apple deliberately didn't put a |
| control. You cannot control whether our sun | | | | delete button on the iPod so that when you |
| will burn out today. You cannot control the | | | | reach 2 Gigabytes you have to buy a new one." |
| fact that one day you will die. Despite that | | | | The other forum members are offering up so |
| we spend great amounts of time worrying that | | | | much bad advice that they sound like the arm |
| we or our relatives are going to die. If it | | | | chair generals on Cable Pundit Television, |
| is a fact that we are going to die then why | | | | driving everyone right over the edge. How |
| do we spend so much time worrying that we or | | | | many times is Vice President Cheney going to |
| the polar bears are going to die? Wouldn't it | | | | raise the terror alert to false alarm code |
| be better to stop worrying that everyone is | | | | orange to prepare America to invade Iran? |
| going to die and just go on and forget it and | | | | |
| enjoy our lives and our Apple iPod Nanos? Of | | | | Today it was discovered that people suffering |
| course it would but unfortunately our minds | | | | from shell shock, or post traumatic stress |
| are programmed to worry constantly. We're | | | | disorder are more prone to having heart |
| talking about polar bears eating each other | | | | attacks. Apparently the fear triggered the |
| because we melted their habitat. The guilt is | | | | adrenaline and the adrenaline never shuts off |
| unbearable. | | | | and the person's heart is damaged or |
| | | | something. Vicious nuclear armed Muslims are |
| The President of the United States has | | | | coming to get you. Global warming will soon |
| publicly declared a Christian Crusade against | | | | cause the sea level to rise 50 feet so that |
| 1 billion Muslims, calling them | | | | your city is permanently under water. |
| Islamofascists. Adolf Hitler was a fascist. | | | | Mosquitoes are giving people West Nile virus. |
| He declared war upon the Jews, homosexuals, | | | | Birds will give us a pandemic. Cows have mad |
| retarded people, blacks and all non white | | | | cow disease. The deficit is throwing the |
| blue eyed blonde people. Hitler planned to | | | | country into bankruptcy. The iPod anxiety is |
| annihilate every Jew in Europe and the Muslim | | | | the proverbial straw that broke the camel's |
| world. Mohammad Amin al-Husseini, the Mufti | | | | back. It is the last straw which will cause |
| of Jerusalem was Hitler's ally. The Mufti was | | | | us to fight, flee or become frozen stiff. Not |
| one of the architects of the concentration | | | | to worry, here is the solution for deleting |
| camps, and he helped recruit Muslims for the | | | | songs from your Apple iPod Nano. It's very |
| SS. Mohammad al-Husseini was the Muslim | | | | simple. |
| leader of World Jihad who was the mentor of | | | | |
| Yasser Arafat, Osama bin-Laden and every | | | | Open up your iTunes program on your computer. |
| other Muslim terrorist today. Hitler and the | | | | Click on your library music. Start with the |
| Mufti were united by their desire to delete | | | | first song at the top. If you want a song on |
| the Jewish people from the planet earth. | | | | your iPod then you need to give it a five |
| Today the Muslim fundamentalists are united | | | | star rating. Only the 5 star rated songs will |
| in their desire to delete every non Muslim | | | | come into your iPod and all others will be |
| from earth because their Koran commands them | | | | deleted. Now click on the first song to |
| to do this (Koran Sura 9:5, 29-30; Sura 56) | | | | highlight it. You can double click it to see |
| for great eternal rewards. | | | | if you like it. Now on the top left click on |
| | | | file. Then click on my rating. Slide over and |
| How do evil people always seem to grab | | | | give it 5 stars if you want it on and 1 star |
| political and military power? Herman Goering | | | | if you don't. |
| was a German politician and military leader, | | | | |
| commander of the Luftwaffe and Hitler's | | | | Now connect the iPod to your computer. The |
| second in command. He was captured in Austria | | | | iPod menu comes up automatically. The first |
| and sentenced to hang at the Nuremberg | | | | tab to come up is Summary. Put a checkmark on |
| trials. The night before the hanging he | | | | "open iTunes when this iPod is connected." |
| committed suicide by ingesting a cyanide | | | | Click "apply" in the bottom right. Now on the |
| capsule. He asked to be killed with dignity | | | | top click "Music". Put a checkmark on "Synch |
| by a firing squad like a soldier but his | | | | Music". Put a checkmark on "selected |
| request was denied. Rather than face the | | | | playlists." Put a checkmark on "My top |
| humiliation of hanging he took a cyanide | | | | rated." Click on "apply" in the bottom right |
| capsule. Since then numerous people have said | | | | hand corner. Let the process update your iPod |
| that they gave him the pill, just like John | | | | until it says that it is safe to disconnect |
| Mark Karr pretended to have killed Jon Benet | | | | the iPod from the computer. To disconnect the |
| Ramsey. | | | | cable from the iPod press the two little |
| | | | buttons on the side of the thingy. Now go |
| Mass manipulation of peaceful people into | | | | post these instructions into one of the |
| warmongers is a science. Hermann Goering | | | | forums and be a hero. |
| said, "Naturally the common people don't want | | | | |
| war; neither in Russia, nor in England, nor | | | | As far as the Apocalypse and global warming |
| in America, nor in Germany. That is | | | | and politics and holy war are concerned |
| understood. But after all, it is the leaders | | | | forget about it, throw your television out |
| of the country who determine policy, and it | | | | the window, eat well, get lots of rest and |
| is always a simple matter to drag the people | | | | get plenty of exercise wearing your iPod with |
| along, whether it is a democracy, or a | | | | only your favorite songs. There is nothing |
| fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a | | | | that you can do about the other stuff so |
| communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, | | | | don't waste your life worrying about it. Wars |
| the people can always be brought to the | | | | have been going on forever and they always |
| bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you | | | | will. It's our killer instinct which we |
| have to do is to tell them they are being | | | | needed to survive this long in the jungle and |
| attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack | | | | the law of the jungle is "Kill or be killed." |
| of patriotism and exposing the country to | | | | Who can delete our killer instinct? Who would |
| danger. It works the same in any country." | | | | want to? It's for self defense from venomous |
| How do you manipulate hawks into doves? If | | | | snakes in the jungle and hunting for food. |
| you figure that out then you are the Messiah. | | | | |