| The date today is January 2, 2007. Happy New Year. | | | | Messiah. While you are at it try to figure out how to |
| What was your New Year's Resolution? Did you | | | | delete songs from the Apple iPod Nano. The iPod has |
| resolve to put an end to the war in Iraq as more | | | | no delete function. |
| American warships steam towards the Persian Gulf? | | | | If you search the internet for the way to do this |
| Did you resolve to put an end to global warming as | | | | you will come upon forums in which people are acting |
| the Arctic melts into the sea and the mother polar | | | | as though they have been cast into eternal Hellfire |
| bears are unable to feed their cubs? | | | | calling out to anyone "Help!" People are hysterical and |
| There are some things you can control and there are | | | | have come up with numerous conspiracy theories |
| other things which you cannot control. You cannot | | | | such as "Apple deliberately didn't put a delete button |
| control whether our sun will burn out today. You | | | | on the iPod so that when you reach 2 Gigabytes you |
| cannot control the fact that one day you will die. | | | | have to buy a new one." The other forum members |
| Despite that we spend great amounts of time | | | | are offering up so much bad advice that they sound |
| worrying that we or our relatives are going to die. If | | | | like the arm chair generals on Cable Pundit Television, |
| it is a fact that we are going to die then why do we | | | | driving everyone right over the edge. How many |
| spend so much time worrying that we or the polar | | | | times is Vice President Cheney going to raise the |
| bears are going to die? Wouldn't it be better to stop | | | | terror alert to false alarm code orange to prepare |
| worrying that everyone is going to die and just go | | | | America to invade Iran? |
| on and forget it and enjoy our lives and our Apple | | | | Today it was discovered that people suffering from |
| iPod Nanos? Of course it would but unfortunately our | | | | shell shock, or post traumatic stress disorder are |
| minds are programmed to worry constantly. We're | | | | more prone to having heart attacks. Apparently the |
| talking about polar bears eating each other because | | | | fear triggered the adrenaline and the adrenaline never |
| we melted their habitat. The guilt is unbearable. | | | | shuts off and the person's heart is damaged or |
| The President of the United States has publicly | | | | something. Vicious nuclear armed Muslims are coming |
| declared a Christian Crusade against 1 billion Muslims, | | | | to get you. Global warming will soon cause the sea |
| calling them Islamofascists. Adolf Hitler was a fascist. | | | | level to rise 50 feet so that your city is permanently |
| He declared war upon the Jews, homosexuals, | | | | under water. Mosquitoes are giving people West Nile |
| retarded people, blacks and all non white blue eyed | | | | virus. Birds will give us a pandemic. Cows have mad |
| blonde people. Hitler planned to annihilate every Jew | | | | cow disease. The deficit is throwing the country into |
| in Europe and the Muslim world. Mohammad Amin | | | | bankruptcy. The iPod anxiety is the proverbial straw |
| al-Husseini, the Mufti of Jerusalem was Hitler's ally. | | | | that broke the camel's back. It is the last straw |
| The Mufti was one of the architects of the | | | | which will cause us to fight, flee or become frozen |
| concentration camps, and he helped recruit Muslims | | | | stiff. Not to worry, here is the solution for deleting |
| for the SS. Mohammad al-Husseini was the Muslim | | | | songs from your Apple iPod Nano. It's very simple. |
| leader of World Jihad who was the mentor of Yasser | | | | Open up your iTunes program on your computer. |
| Arafat, Osama bin-Laden and every other Muslim | | | | Click on your library music. Start with the first song |
| terrorist today. Hitler and the Mufti were united by | | | | at the top. If you want a song on your iPod then |
| their desire to delete the Jewish people from the | | | | you need to give it a five star rating. Only the 5 star |
| planet earth. Today the Muslim fundamentalists are | | | | rated songs will come into your iPod and all others will |
| united in their desire to delete every non Muslim from | | | | be deleted. Now click on the first song to highlight it. |
| earth because their Koran commands them to do this | | | | You can double click it to see if you like it. Now on |
| (Koran Sura 9:5, 29-30; Sura 56) for great eternal | | | | the top left click on file. Then click on my rating. Slide |
| rewards. | | | | over and give it 5 stars if you want it on and 1 star if |
| How do evil people always seem to grab political and | | | | you don't. |
| military power? Herman Goering was a German | | | | Now connect the iPod to your computer. The iPod |
| politician and military leader, commander of the | | | | menu comes up automatically. The first tab to come |
| Luftwaffe and Hitler's second in command. He was | | | | up is Summary. Put a checkmark on "open iTunes |
| captured in Austria and sentenced to hang at the | | | | when this iPod is connected." Click "apply" in the |
| Nuremberg trials. The night before the hanging he | | | | bottom right. Now on the top click "Music". Put a |
| committed suicide by ingesting a cyanide capsule. He | | | | checkmark on "Synch Music". Put a checkmark on |
| asked to be killed with dignity by a firing squad like a | | | | "selected playlists." Put a checkmark on "My top |
| soldier but his request was denied. Rather than face | | | | rated." Click on "apply" in the bottom right hand |
| the humiliation of hanging he took a cyanide capsule. | | | | corner. Let the process update your iPod until it says |
| Since then numerous people have said that they | | | | that it is safe to disconnect the iPod from the |
| gave him the pill, just like John Mark Karr pretended | | | | computer. To disconnect the cable from the iPod |
| to have killed Jon Benet Ramsey. | | | | press the two little buttons on the side of the thingy. |
| Mass manipulation of peaceful people into | | | | Now go post these instructions into one of the |
| warmongers is a science. Hermann Goering said, | | | | forums and be a hero. |
| "Naturally the common people don't want war; | | | | As far as the Apocalypse and global warming and |
| neither in Russia, nor in England, nor in America, nor in | | | | politics and holy war are concerned forget about it, |
| Germany. That is understood. But after all, it is the | | | | throw your television out the window, eat well, get |
| leaders of the country who determine policy, and it is | | | | lots of rest and get plenty of exercise wearing your |
| always a simple matter to drag the people along, | | | | iPod with only your favorite songs. There is nothing |
| whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, | | | | that you can do about the other stuff so don't |
| or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or | | | | waste your life worrying about it. Wars have been |
| no voice, the people can always be brought to the | | | | going on forever and they always will. It's our killer |
| bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to | | | | instinct which we needed to survive this long in the |
| do is to tell them they are being attacked, and | | | | jungle and the law of the jungle is "Kill or be killed." |
| denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and | | | | Who can delete our killer instinct? Who would want |
| exposing the country to danger. It works the same | | | | to? It's for self defense from venomous snakes in |
| in any country." How do you manipulate hawks into | | | | the jungle and hunting for food. |
| doves? If you figure that out then you are the | | | | |