| Airplane travel today has become a Darwinian | | | | move, maneuvering around the billions of other |
| exercise, where only those of Olympic fitness will | | | | travelers who are also stuck with layovers (or |
| survive. Frankly, given the psychological and physical | | | | hangovers) in Atlanta. Halfway through your dash |
| fortitude required, I'm amazed that anybody will | | | | from gate14 in terminal B, where you landed, to gate |
| agree to fly anywhere anymore. Indignities abound, | | | | 89F in terminal Z, where you will again depart, your |
| including the strip poker antics in the airport security | | | | carry-on will lose a wheel. You schlep it, seemingly for |
| line. First you lose your shoes, then your belt, then | | | | miles, as it thuds painfully against your right shin with |
| your hat, if you dared to wear one. You tirelessly | | | | every step.Danger also lurks near the Food Court. |
| whip out photo ID to officious TSA agents stationed | | | | The intoxicating aroma from Cinnabon makes you |
| every five feet all the way to the boarding gate, | | | | realize that those cheap airlines have starved you, |
| careful to refrain from making jokes about hidden | | | | nearly to death. Though they are boarding your flight, |
| bombs, even if the jokes are exceedingly clever. | | | | you must buy a sticky bun to ward off immediate |
| These are heavy sacrifices indeed.Yet the most | | | | famine. Risking all, you stop at Cinnabon to rest your |
| fatiguing thing of all is that direct flights have gone | | | | bruised shin and buy the sticky bun. This presents a |
| the way of complimentary airline meals, the | | | | new problem, since the pastry is the size of your |
| difference being that nobody misses the airline meals. | | | | carry-on, and now you will have to check either your |
| Let's say you live in Los Angeles and must fly to San | | | | laptop computer, on which you planned to complete |
| Francisco for a meeting. Sounds easy, right? Wrong! | | | | your report for the meeting in San Francisco, or the |
| Today, you can only fly from L.A. to San Francisco | | | | sticky bun. Reasonably, you check the laptop, since |
| via a layover in Atlanta. Even when you die, you will | | | | who can write a coherent report on an empty |
| not be able to catch a flight to Heaven without a | | | | stomach?Naturally, the flight is overbooked and |
| lengthy layover in Atlanta first. (If you are going to | | | | under-oxygenated, although additional oxygen is |
| Hell, your layover is in Dallas-Fort Worth.) You have | | | | available for only $20.00 per passenger. You press |
| two hours between connecting flights, which you | | | | the button to recline your seat, instantly breaking the |
| think is plenty of time. But you will barely make it, | | | | nose of the passenger behind you. "Hey!" the |
| having to sprint like a football player in a Hail Mary | | | | bloodied little man in 29F shouts. |